What Might Have Been!

Hi, my name is Chris Bunnell and I was born in 1963 in Pembrokeshire, South West Wales I was brought up in Yeovil, Somerset which is where I spent all my childhood and school years. In those days (in the 70’s) there was no such thing as Dyslexia, ADHD so Irlen was a foreign word too. Kids were just problems/hyperactive or unruly! When I was a school boy I felt sorry for my classmates who were like that. I thought I was fine, I just got on quite well although maths was a problem. I just didn’t understand numbers, same with music but generally I got on well in class especially art. But when it came to tests or at first mock exams I collapsed and when the actual exams came around, I failed miserably unless part of the exam was course work such as art or metalwork - those I passed.

I can remember as I walked into the assembly hall all set out with desks set apart as soon as I turned the paper I just fell apart inside. The words on the white paper would go up and down, spin around and move all over the place so I would have to look really hard and strain to make out what I was reading. Whilst doing this I would start sweating and get brain fog and headaches which would then result in me answering questions completely wrong sometimes or completely opposite to what I knew and wanted to write. This would obviously lead me to the point where I am trying to convince myself that I have done well - actually getting through hours of hell hopefully with a pass. In fact all of my exam/test papers were trying to pass these exams in a foreign language. Totally impossible!!! And so I came away from this experience with a deep-set depression I don’t think I ever recovered from. Art and metalwork were the only two exams I ever passed - everything else I failed miserably! I then flitted from one job to another actually signing up to art college, but because of my failings at school I had to spend most of my time in the main college doing all the basic stuff again so my art was affected as well with all this stress. I spiralled going from not attending classes to using drugs to cope. Eventually at the end of year one I opted out and started my life of crime and drug use which would define my life for the next 40 years! Thinking of course I was a failure in everything I tried I could not hold down a job for more than a couple of years. Through all this time I became a petty criminal and hard drug using fool. Included in my repertoire, theft, deception, stealing cars etc. For about 10 years I was either under some order, on probation or in jail. So eventually I would spend around 6 years out of 20 in prison for various offences (probably 6 or 7 years in and out of jail 6 times). I always used to think I was hopeless at everything I tried. I would always start something with enthusiasm but never finish anything which I found really depressing. This would then confirm everything I thought about myself.

Anyway finally I managed to get a place in rehab about 200 miles away from home instead of a further 7 years in jail. I spend six months in Kenward Barn rehabilitation unit where rapidly coming off 10 years of Methadone script in 8 weeks I was very ill for eight weeks .

To cut a long story short I succeeded came away from rehab and moved to a halfway house in Folkestone where I excelled for a few months. I was at college again, doing quite well until I met a woman in the same house. Needless to say I found out too late that she was an alcoholic. During the breakup I relapsed and spent two years using methamphetamine. Porchlight saved me and I moved to Canterbury. This is where in Canterbury college aged 47 I discovered Irlen syndrome and it’s symptoms. I had been clean and happy for nearly two years but the sudden realisation that looking back and relating Irlen syndrome with all my decisions from when at school then looking at the paths, I took was too much for my already scarred persona! I relapsed yet again and spent the next 2 or 3 years moving around Kent to Margate then Hawkinge and then finally back to Folkestone where I felt more at home, dare I say, but was homeless and on the streets for nearly two years using heroin and crack yet again just to get through the day after day of life on the cold streets of Folkestone. I spent two cold and nasty winters with the relief of the night shelter run by the Rainbow Centre which gives over the Christmas period somewhere to lay one’s head down safely in a different church hall every night. This is where I met many lovely volunteers who gave up their time to help out the homeless and destitute. God Bless them all! This is where I met Jan (I saw her business car parked outside) who discovered I had Irlen syndrome from our many chats. She then screened me at the Rainbow Centre as she is a trained Irlen screener. This found out the overlay colour and green paper helped a lot. She also gave me reiki which helps with pain and is drug free. Anyway to cut an even longer story short I had a test from a professional diagnostician that Jan knew. It took about 2 hours and from doing a lot of vision and reading tests it was discovered which shades and depth of shade would be good for me. But firstly with Jan’s help again we applied for a grant which took a few months to apply for - this would help pay for my test and my lenses which came to a few hundred pounds. I waited for about a month for the glasses to come to me and now for the good bit …….

The difference in my reading is absolutely amazing especially now as I read a lot more. There is no more straining and headaches. Reading is now a pleasure which opens up more time that I can use to read. It also means what I read I can understand too as I am not just concentrating on reading the right line. I did have some eureka moments though when I realised that if this ailment of mine had been discovered and even known about when I was still at school my whole life I believe could have taken an extremely different road from school onwards as I believe sorting out this problem would have led to a more honest, prosperous and healthy life. I could have contributed to whatever life I chose much more and achieve so much more too.

I have struggled a lot with depression by discovering all this but refuse to let it define who I am now! Which is an honest friendly individual who is clean from the HELL of drug addiction. I am trying to pick up the pieces of my life and mould them together with the remainder of my time to leave some sort of legacy or stamp to say that was me, this is what I was and that is what I did.

P.S I would like to tell my story not just with Irlen but everything else too. Maybe start volunteering myself to help others through difficult times and show whatever their problems you can turn your life around and make a life for yourself.

Chris Bunnell.